Welcome to "Judgement Day: (Your Team Sucks!) The Commissioner’s League Overview and Analysis." This is just something fun I have put together for my fellow fantasy football guys before the third annual draft on August 7th. This is strictly tongue in cheek and absolutely nothing is to be taken personally (after all, my team sucks, too!).
I will go in this year's draft order, and post two teams at a time to make for simple reading. I also realize that some owners won’t read this series and that's okay. But those who do might learn a little about your competition (I have!) and you might find it interesting... maybe even a little entertaining.
The number after each player name (in parenthesis) indicates that player’s exclusive Horns-n-Hops ranking at his position at the end of the 2024 season. It is not generated from some crappy generic website ranking.
The first victims up are General Managers Kranitz and Budahn the Elder...
Blitz-n-Pass
Blitz-n-Pass has had a rough go the first two seasons, taking last place in 2023 and 2024. But you know what? This team has a great deal of potential. It feels like they are just a piece or two away from making a run at the playoffs.
QB: Joe Burrow (2), Brock Purdy (14)
Burrow completed the trifecta last year, leading the league in completions, passing yards and passing touchdowns. He also led in passing yards per game. He is, perhaps, the best fantasy QB going into 2025. * Purdy missed a couple of games last year and his numbers took a slight hit as the 49ers underwhelmed the league with injury after injury. He’s a solid QB2 and can be a QB1 with the right match-up.
RB: James Connor (11), Najee “Oh, My Eye!” Harris (20)
Blitz-n-Pass decided to keep only two running backs in the offseason. Connor recently turned 30 years old, but he put up the most rushing yards and the most yards from scrimmage in his entire career last season. Connor seems to be hitting his stride at 30, or has he hit his peak? * Meanwhile, Harris is a mystery. A “superficial” eye injury on July 4 has kept him off the field as of this writing. Sounds a bit more serious than superficial to me. Harris has never had less than 1,200 yards from scrimmage in his four year career, but he’s on a new team, in a new system and he’s got first rounder Omarion Hampton hot on his heels. He’s a vet, but missing reps in a new system isn’t good.
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| Najee Harris celebrates the Fourth a little differently. |
WR: CeeDee Lamb (8), Marvin “Look at My Manly Biceps” Harrison, Jr (30), Darnell Mooney (31), Chris Godwin (53), Nick Westbrook-Ikhine (54), Amari Cooper (63)
Lamb clearly missed Dak Prescott last year: he caught almost 600 fewer passing yards and 6 fewer touchdowns than he did in 2023, but he was still a Top 8 WR in Horns-n-Hops. Lamb had the 7th most targets in the league last year and targets equal opportunity. He should dominate again this season, George Pickens be damned. * Harrison had very high expectations last season, but his 885 yards and 8 touchdowns were considered a disappointment to fantasy GMs. Clearly, Harrison has hit the weight room in the offseason (or he’s discovered performance enhancing drugs) and it’ll be interesting to see how he develops in year two; he could be poised for a breakout season. * Mooney nearly hit 1,000 yards receiving last year, his first with Atlanta, but that was with Kirk Cousins under center. Until Penix, Jr shows fantasy owners what he’s made of, Mooney could be a risky play. * Godwin missed 10 games in a forgettable, injury marred season. He’s starting camp on the PUP list. When healthy, he’s one of the best in the league, but the problem is he’s not getting any younger and no one knows when he’ll be healthy again. * Westbrook-Ikhine had the best season of his five year career this year, which included 9 touchdowns, but, unfortunately, he plays third fiddle to Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle. * Cooper is going into the 11th season and is currently waiting for someone to get hurt in training camp a free agent.
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| PEDs. It's what's for breakfast! |
TE: Cole Kmet (19), Dallas Goedert (27)
Kmet’s value took a major hit when Chicago took Colston Loveland in the first round in April. Best case scenario sees Kmet sharing TE duties, which is a kick in the nuts to Blitz-n-Pass, because... Goedert's career might be running on fumes. He ended the season last year on IR, missed seven games and is closing in on 31 years of age. Is he past his prime or will he find a second wind? We will find out.
The Mosaic Norsemen
GM Budahn the Elder has yet to sniff the playoffs in the league’s first two years. After coming in 8th place in the league in 2023 (narrowly missing the playoffs), he took a big step backward in 2024, placing 11th out of 12 teams. How can the Norsemen get it turned around?
QB: Bryce Young (20)
Budahn the Elder decided to keep one quarterback on his roster. The great news is Young was really good as an Oompa Loompa in the Wizard of Oz! He is exactly the same size as another Baby Yoda called Kyler Murray, but without the running skill. Young missed three games last year; he ended up passing for just 2,400 yards, which is what Joe Burrow usually throws in a quarter. Young has also never come close to a 300 yard game in his career as a pro. I probably don't need to explain that that kind of production will not win many fantasy football games. Carolina drafted a WR in the first round last year (Xavier Legette) and this year (Tet McMillan), so they are trying to give him weapons. But this is a glaring weakness for the Norsemen… no doubt this be will addressed at some point in the draft.
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| The multi-talented Bryce Young |
RB: Devon Achane (5), Rachaad White (22), Tank Bigsby (36), Blake Corum (80), Jonathon Brooks (114)
Achane took the next step up last year from his rookie season. He can run and catch and is faster than a fat kid eating a cupcake. The best news is he stayed healthy all year in 2024 after missing five games the previous year. He’s solidified himself as a full time RB1.. * White was supposed to in the upper echelon of RBs this year. He had a very promising 2023 (over 1,400 yards from scrimmage). But then the Bucs drafted a guy named Bucky Irving, and the backfield landscape in Tampa experienced a seismic shift. Irving is just too good for a running back by committee approach, so White is stuck in running back purgatory.
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| Rachaad White was done dirty by Tampa. Hellooooo Bucky! |
However, Bigsby is the player to watch here. There is a changing of the guard in Jacksonville. Despite starting just one game in ‘24, Bigsby outrushed and outscored Travis Etienne. I look for this to be Bigsby’s breakout season. * Corum was a third round pick by the Rams last year, but touched the ball just 65 times; his value goes up significantly if Kyren Williams goes down. * Brooks has horrible luck. He is rehabbing his second torn ACL in as many years. He’s a promising young RB -- don’t forget, Vikings/Redskins RB Terry Allen tore his ACL twice and had a great career.
WR: JaMarr Chase (1), Garrett Wilson (10), Jauan Jennings (24), Demario Douglas (47), Rome Odunze (49)
Chase had the 10th biggest season of any wide receiver in NFL history last year. He led the league in catches, yards and touchdowns. He said his goal is 2,000 receiving yards this season, which has never happened before. He’s the best in the league right now. * Wilson had the best season of his career last year despite being in an unwanted retarded red-headed stepchild situation with the Jets last year. He was Top 10 in Horns-n-Hops and things can only get better! * Jennings should be the top receiver in San Fran for at least the first part of the season… that is, if he ends up playing there. Will he hold the Niners hostage in a contract dispute? Will he get traded? * At 5’8” Douglas is even shorter than Bryce Young, but he did have 66 catches last year, which was his career high; however, he’s a WR4 at best.. * Odunze was the Bears’ 9th overall draft pick last year, but he didn’t set the league on fire; however, his average yards per reception was better than Mike Evans, Terry McLaurin and Jamar Chase. He’s got ridiculous potential, but it is a crowded WR room in Chicago.
TE: Juwan Johnson (17), Dalton Kincaid (30)
Johnson is an average tight end. He can be a starter if you’re desperate (and the Norsemen have been desperate). The real focus here is Kincaid, who missed four games due to a nagging knee injury last year and did not live up to his promising ‘23 rookie season. Look for him to have a big bounce back season now that he’s healthy again.
Next up: Straight Cash Homie and Toxic Traits.
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