A Hat That Lets Rain In

 My journey continues with Scattershot, Bernie Taupin's memoir. I just read an excellent quote from the book, attributed to Frederick the Great:

"A crown is merely a hat that lets the rain in."

I just love that quote. 

As I may have said earlier, I wish Taupin discussed the originations and inspirations for his lyrics a bit more, because he is one of the best of all time; nevertheless, it is a well-written and fun read. I am enjoying it.

Last week we went to my daughter's last high school fall play. The beginning of many "first lasts" as the year continues. I try not to get sentimental about it, but deep inside, I am a big fucking sap.

Ava's last fall play as stage manager.

Ava has been selected to do an internship at the local hospital, which also happens to be my employer (she swears she did not name drop, even though I told her to. I have found it is not what you know, but WHO you know in life that gains you meaningful employment). This past week has been insane, trying to get everything done (background checks, immunizations, photo for ID, answering a thousand questions from a thousand different forms) so she can start on Monday.

Anyway, she was selected to intern with various departments at the hospital and clinic and I think it will be a fantastic experience for her. But between school, theater, her own part time job and this internship, she's burning the candle at both ends, plus a third end which has never been discovered before. Luckily, the internship is just two days a week and lasts only five weeks. 

The sun has not revealed itself for at least three days. It has been gray, overcast, occasional snow flurries in the air and chilly. We are no longer in the vibrant fall crown of October. We are now in the shades of gray belly of November. 

I do just fine with the seasonal change until daylight saving time ends. When the clocks fall back an hour... let's just say I do not deal with constant darkness very well. Neither does my daughter. Undoubtedly we both have undiagnosed Seasonal Affective Disorder, or whatever it is called. 

A photo of my backyard back in 2009. Soon it'll look like this again. Not looking forward to it.

Ava is getting some help from a school shrink, which I am thankful for. I am pounding Vitamin D. In the past, this is the time of year when I start pounding beer/alcohol as well, more than I should. It has never effected my job or my home life, but I've always used the excuse, "It helps me get through the dark months." 

This year, I am very aware of that pitfall and I am making a conscious effort not to go there. I know the vicious cycle it creates. I am thinking of buying one (maye two!) of those bright therapeutic lights. I've seen them actually work for people, to help them get out of the wintertime funk. They are not very expensive. I just might do that. I'm also going to write more here. That helps me too.

Ya know, I never thought I'd move from Minnesota, but the older I get, the more appealing spending winters in Arizona sounds. That's still a few years away, but the gears are turning in the back of my mind.

✴

I decided we are going out for dinner tonight, the four of us. We aren't going to have too many of these moments anymore with Ava going to college next year and it has been a long, stressful week (although it has been very productive, too). We deserve an evening out.

Tomorrow we are going to Fargo to an NDSU football game. The Bison are good, but definitely not great this year; not national champions great -- the first time in about 15 years I've had to say that -- but it is still very fun to go to a game and spend time with family after the game. Anything to break up the routine, even for a day.

Speaking of family, I cannot end without wishing a Happy Birthday to my mother. She passed away unexpectedly some 33 1/2 years ago, but she will never, ever be forgotten. November 8th would have been her 95th birthday.

My mom, taken in the mid-1980s, doing what she loved to do.

 

Friday, 24 February 2023

 Today is a day off for me--even more rare, it is a Friday and a day off. If time could just stand still now. It was -17 degrees this morning, but the coffee is hot, I've got a comfy chair and a good book. It could be -50 for all I care.

I have worked, it seems, every day for weeks on end. I've taken extra call for my work, so one work day is equal to three eight hour shifts. Plus a weekend of call, which is 64 hours. That's the equivalent of eight working days alone.

So if it feels like I haven't been home, that's why.

Things are going to get very busy in a few days. My daughter is going on a trip to New York City with her high school band in early March, so the next couple weeks will be early mornings and late nights of band rehearsal, not to mention she's the stage manager for the spring musical, which started rehearsals this week as well. 

Anyway, the band is flying to NYC and she's never been in a plane before, so I'm not so sure how this is going to go. She seems pretty chill about it, or at least she's putting on a heck of a brave face. I am accepting as a parent that at some point you've got to let go and let your kids spread their wings. I'm not going to be around forever. she's got to do things on her own. This will be a huge confidence booster for her.

My son is keeping himself busy playing trombone and working out after school in a power conditioning program; today is his last day of winter session and he wanted me to sign him up for spring session. So at least he's enjoying it, although I suspect a big part of the "enjoyment" is the fact he doesn't have to ride the bus after school. But he says he works hard and is always complaining of how sore he is the next day, so I hope he's getting some good out of it. 

I just signed him up for NDSU football camp in June; this will be his third year attending. I had to take his measurements for camp and he's now 5'10", 180 pounds... the size of a full grown man... He won't be 14 years old until July, so he's a big dude.

We had a feast of junk food for our little family Super Bowl party (me, my wife and my son). My daughter came out of her spider hole (her bedroom) to eat and to watch Rhianna at halftime and quickly scurried away. I was pleased the Chiefs won. When Brian and I went to a game at Arrowhead Stadium a few years ago, almost every Chiefs fan was friendly, talkative and respectful, which is the polar opposite of Eagles fans. They are obnoxious assholes. And if you're reading this and you are an Eagles fan, don't even argue. Own it. 

I was quite happy to see them cry in their beer afterwards.

My goofy son, posing with his "Chad" look. Evidently the "Chad" look is a thing. Anyway, he made wrapped smokies with mozzarella in the shape of a football for the Super Bowl. Deelish!

Otherwise, I am not doing much during these long winter days. although lately I've been working on putting together a new fantasy football league with a group of guys, so that's keeping me occupied. Hopefully the league will launch this fall. Fantasy football has been a hobby of mine since 1991. It is something I absolutely love to do.

I just started reading The Lives and Legends of Buffalo Bill by Don Russell, which I purchased last August at the Buffalo Bill Center of the West museums in Cody, Wyoming (highly recommended if you are ever in Cody). So, I am finally getting around to finishing the books I bought last summer. 

Snow is Here

 Winter has finally come for its annual visit. And so it will overstay its welcome for the next five months. 

Flurries and snow showers have been falling for days now, nonstop. The season has gradually snuck up on us and now we've gotten several inches of accumulating snow. I blew out the driveway Tuesday and it'll need to be done again in the very near future. Even as I write this, flurries continue to fall. It doesn't seem so bad while sipping a mug of hot apple cider.

Ava's fall play, "Father of the Bride" opens Friday (tomorrow). She's stressed about that, putting in very long hours over the past week. She was promoted to stage manager for the theater department this year (she was assistant stage manager last year); it's something she really wanted to do and this is a big test to see whether it was a good idea. She's doing well with it to be honest, and it is certainly a learning experience. I know she takes pride in what she's doing after texting me a picture of the set last night:

"Father of the Bride" BHS Theater Dept, 17 Nov 2022 

Since last posting, our upstairs shower is complete. Now we are waiting for someone to sheetrock around the surround and another to install the bathroom flooring. This is all being coordinated by our plumber and the pace is... well, there is no pace. We've come to another standstill. It has been a very frustrating experience. We are now two solid months without a second shower.

I saw my doctor this morning for a check-up. Not surprisingly, he added a new blood pressure medication. In a month he wants me to do bloodwork to make sure my liver and kidneys aren't being pickled. To think, this could all be avoided (probably) if I could get motivated to lose weight like I did in 2012. Actually, I'm not as heavy as I thought I was going to be. I weighed in at 251 pounds today, which is about 14 or 15 pounds less than what I was at my heaviest some ten years ago.

I started reading a book by Jon Meacham called And There Was Light. It is a biography on Abraham Lincoln; I've read multiple biographies/studies on Lincoln and I always find something new and interesting about him. He's one of my favorite historical figures. I read American Lion by Meacham a couple of years ago, a biography on Andrew Jackson. So far, his new book is proving to be just as good as that one.

I suppose that's it for now. Looking forward to absolute darkness at 5:00 PM. Not. My wife and I have come to an agreement that we have to do something in the evenings to keep us occupied. We cannot go to bed at 7:00 PM (even though it feels tempting). Maybe we'll hold a winter-long gin or rummy tournament? Anything is better than staring at the t.v.

Monday Morning

 Monday morning, a beautiful thing. I was on call this past weekend and I am glad it is over. I logged in 18 hours of work time and I never sleep well when I'm on call, so I am pretty tired. There's a good chance a nap is on my radar today.

My wife texted me on Saturday to tell me our thermostat wasn't working right (again). It keeps going dead (the screen goes blank) despite fresh batteries. It was a programmable high tech thing when I originally installed it (I am guessing 12 years ago?). I am disappointed it didn't last as long as I was expecting, but nothing is built to last anymore. 

Anyway, a poorly functioning thermostat is not a good thing going into the winter months, especially in Minnesota. So this morning I installed a new thermostat. It is a simple, non-programmable digital model. I am all about keeping it simple at this point in my life. 

Also, on Friday my wife's mysterious iPhone showed up! It took four times longer than it should have, but it finally arrived no worse for wear.

And in the continuing saga of things not arriving on time, I ordered a book from Amazon a week ago (And There Was Light by Jon Meachem). Today I got a notice that said "Your package might be lost, click here for a refund or a replacement."

My package was last seen at the Baxter post office some five days ago (the post office is about four miles from my house). I have no idea why getting a package to my residence is so incredibly difficult. It isn't like I live in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

A face only a mother (and father) could love. 

My daughter is a member of Key Club (a high school club) and that organization was on the "scare team" at the Northland Arboretum's haunted trail last weekend. She loves putting on (and creating) special effects make-up and she was completely in her element. I have to admit she does look a bit horrifying.

Today is my only off this week (my first day off since last Wednesday). After I get off work Friday, my band is rehearsing and we are playing a private Halloween party in St. Cloud on Saturday. We haven't played since the end of July, but I think everything will fall into place pretty fast. It will be fun to make music again and get away from work-related crap. Ugh.

More updates to come...

Observation Unrecorded

 What a beautiful fall day; it is very breezy, but with a temp of 78°F, it is hardly worth noting. 

I've not posted for a very long time--six months, to be exact. The spring, summer and most of fall has gone by. Indeed, I'm still here, which is pretty obvious since you are reading this. 

And if you are reading this, thank you for visiting. You must really want to be here because I'm not posting the link for my blog on social media anymore (in fact, I don't even look at social media anymore), I'm just posting for myself (and anyone who cares to read). I like journaling. I like keeping tabs on ideas and current events and looking back on them in context. 

I just finished a book today, Undaunted Courage by acclaimed historian, Stephen E. Ambrose. The subtitle of the book is Meriwether Lewis, Thomas Jefferson and the Opening of the American West. I purchased the book while on vacation in Cody, Wyoming, this summer (I bought a whole bunch of books on that vacation!). I've been reading it for multiple weeks (I am a notoriously slow reader); essentially it is about the history surrounding the Lewis and Clark Expedition, with special emphasis on Lewis and Jefferson. 

The odd part is I finished reading it on the day Lewis died (today, October 11th), exactly 213 years later. 

Anyway, excellent book. I looked forward to reading it every single day. My interest in Corps of Discovery (the official name of the Lewis and Clark Expedition) piqued after visiting an interpretive center near Washburn, North Dakota, last year, where the Expedition spent the winter of 1804-05, near the Mandan villages. I purchased the Lewis and Clark journals while at the interpretive center, which I am going to read at some point.

~

Our upstairs bathroom is still not complete. A new shower is being installed (after waiting some 16 months for a plumber) only to find the main piece for the surround was damaged in the box. We contacted the company (Lyons) and they sent a new piece, no questions asked--great customer service. Now, two weeks later, we are still waiting for the surround to be installed.

Still not done...

I spent the 53rd birthday in Walker, MN. A quick getaway. Enjoyed the crisp air and beautiful fall colors on Walker Bay of Leech Lake. Also enjoyed the fantastic beer of Portage Brewing. 

Walker City Dock, near Chase on the Lake Hotel in Walker, MN

Of course it is football season and I've greatly enjoyed watching my son play. He's really improved this year and he seems to really enjoy playing. My daughter is really active in school: member of student council, theater department stage manager, plays in the pep band, symphony and jazz band. They are my source of eternal pride and happiness.

Seven tackles that day!

She's become "famous" for her frog hat during pep band

Some times I get in on the act at football games. It's a pretty good view from here.

Well, there's a quick update. I suppose I am a bit motivated to jot something down since the passage of yet another birthday. It always seems like a good reset. Plus, I read a quote from Undaunted Courage last night that struck me: "Observation unrecorded is knowledge lost." (James P. Ronda)

Now, if I could just keep at it for 21 days. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit.

We'll see.

Spring? Really?

 There are rumors circulating that spring has sprung. I missed it. I was on call this weekend and missed the alleged beautiful weather we had.

To pour salt on the wound, my dear friends kept sending me Snaps of their excursions to assorted breweries over the weekend. I should receive some sort of worker's compensation for that. Seriously.

I spent part of the week completely alone, which was very weird for me. No wife, no kids, not even a dog. The whole damn family went to Mandan, ND, for spring break (no beaches, but lots of wind). They fared better this time than last time they went (three years ago?). Last time they all came home sick. So far, they have been spared the wrath of any nasty North Dakota bugs.

Neil waiting for the jab.

Our kids are now fully vaccinated. Please refrain from your political comments/personal freedom/'Murica bullshit here. This isn't about politics or misguided "patriotism." This is about two kids who have nurses for parents and one of them (me) is exposed to COVID all the time. Plus, we like to go to live theater/musicals and many places won't allow you through the door without proof of vaccination. And you know what? It's the right thing to do. 

My daughter finally got to celebrate her 16th birthday with a group of her friends (a month late, but when Mom and Dad both work, compromises must be made). We had a sleepover here and the house remained remarkably intact. Her birthday party was cowboy themed (she's got a thing for cowboys), complete with cowboy hats, sheriff's badges, tin pans for grub and enough bandanas to make an '80s band blush.

The cowboy themed spread...

Pepsi, milk and Pop Tarts: the breakfast of champions.

My band has added a couple more shows to this summer's itinerary. Our June gigs are filled up. We now have three summer festivals in July; we could play every weekend this summer if we wanted to. It is nice to be in demand!

So, between a much-needed vacation in August (to Cody, Wyoming. Why? Because my daughter wants to see the "Wild West." I told you she's got a thing for cowboys), working a weekend (or two) of call, and taking a couple camping trips, the summer is almost completely filled up already. 

A few days ago, I started reading Zorba the Greek by Nikos Kazantzakis. He also wrote the controversial The Last Temptation of Christ, which is one of the best novels I've ever read -- certainly in my top ten (I didn't find it blasphemous in the least, but that's strictly my opinion). Zorba the Greek is translated from Greek (as was The Last Temptation of Christ), so it is a little muddled in spots, which I bear in mind as I'm reading. But I'm enjoying it. I love any good fiction.

Well, not much more to say right now. I think I should get outside and enjoy the remainder of this beautiful spring day. It is supposed to turn rainy/wintry tomorrow. 

Photo by Ava

New year update

New Year's resolutions are stupid.

I "resolved" to start writing every day, 30 minutes a day, beginning January 1st. That didn't happen. I have a dozen excuses, but they are all lame. 

Unlike many people who write, I have a terrible time coming up with something to write about. I seriously struggle with content. 

For that reason, I'm inching toward writing more fiction. Just make stuff up. I can do that, right?

So for lack of anything better to write, and since I spend hardly any time on social media anymore, here's a quick update on life as I know it.

~

Our Christmas was very nice. We spent time with family; on Christmas morning my son got his Oculus Quest he'd been wanting (for over a year) and my daughter got a new phone. No, it wasn't a cheap Christmas, but they've been rockstars in school, they stay out of trouble (for the most part), and good behavior does not go unnoticed by Santa Claus.

Ava getting her new phone

Neil could not believe his eyes

Besides, we spend lots of money on bills; spending a bit of green and putting a smile on our kids' faces is what life is about. I doubt I will lay on my deathbed thinking, "I'm so glad I paid that credit card bill in full." 

~

Coming soon: I'm going to put on a brave face and take my daughter driving in this white crap. My wife simply refuses to do it. Winter driving is a life skill the kid must have prior to getting her license. But I've got a secret to share with you all: I don't want to do it.

~

I've been spending most of my time at work, which I cannot talk about, of course, due to HIPAA. I have a thousand funny stories I could share. Maybe someday when I am retired I will write a tell-all book... 

In fact, I already have a copyrighted title: Nursing and Cursing: My Colorful Life as a Registered Nurse. Cursing someday to a bookstore near you.

I spend my free time writing (when the spirit moves me), and reading--my latest book is a biography on Ava Gardner. I became interested in learning more about her life after reading a biography on Frank Sinatra. It is funny how you read one book and it ignites your interest in another subject or person you'd never given a thought to in the past. In fact, that's why I read.

I've also been watching football--lots of football. I can never get enough football. The FBS bowl games are beyond lame and the Vikings suck this year (it is time for a full reset, kids). However, I'm really looking forward to NDSU Bison playing for a ninth national championship this Saturday. 

Tradition dictates that my family go out for Mexican/Tex-Mex the night before the national championship. It has worked eight times since 2011. So guess what we will be eating Friday night?! (Why Mexican/Tex-Mex, you ask? The championship game is played in Frisco, Texas).

So there you go, a quick update from yours truly... politically correct and non-controversial.

Thankful for Another Spin

I sat at the kitchen table, my steaming cup of coffee now lukewarm, repeating the phrase to myself. It was so simple, so honest. And beautifully profound.

Never underestimate the wisdom of your children. Even though they lack life experience, that very innocence can be the key to a certain clarity, something that becomes clouded as we collect the scar tissue of adulthood.

I became a dad for the first time almost 16 years ago. My daughter was a dribbly, snotty-nosed miracle who changed my life forever. Three years later, her burbling, bubbling little brother made me the proudest pop in Minnesota.

Being a parent to youngsters was like traveling back in a time machine. All of life's marvels, long invisible as an adult, became strikingly clear again, especially during winter time. The thrill of learning to ice skate or the giddiness of tumbling ass-over-teakettle in a carpet of white powder brought almost too much happiness to bear. There was nothing like the joy of a winter wonderland.

It was a joy I had long forgotten.

Which brings me to the kitchen table. 

I poured myself a coffee and sat next to my son, who was gulping down a mug of hot chocolate. The afternoon November sky was getting tired as we watched the first snow of the year collect on the backyard lawn: green succumbing to white. 

I had to work early the next morning and I was not looking forward to negotiating slick roads. As I grumbled about the accumulating mess outside, my 12 year old philosopher offered invaluable insight.  

"Well, here we go again," I said with a sigh. Another miserable winter. Skin-numbing cold, wet socks and cars that won't start. 

"I'm kind of glad it's snowing," said my son, wiping off his chocolate moustache.

"Why?" I asked.

He thought for a moment. "Because I haven't seen it in a while."

That simple, poignant phrase froze my thoughts. 

Because I haven't seen it in a while. 

When we become adults, we make a tragic metamorphosis. We become anxiety-ridden worry machines. We worry about money. We worry about bills. We worry about jobs. We worry about things we can't control. We worry about things we can control. Hell, we even worry that we worry too much.

Being an adult is serious business.

The longer I sat at my kitchen table, as the snow continued to flutter down, the more I realized my son had unwittingly exposed a wonderful truth. 

There really is something about the change of seasons that is truly welcoming. Transitioning from one season to the next gives us a sense of renewal; we can't embrace the rebirth of spring without first burying the dead, frozen bones of winter. That forward momentum not only gives us hope, it allows us to leave the past where it belongs. 

This ride we are all on--this orbit around the sun--navigates us through life. It is fluid, rotating, ever-changing, yet remains comfortably familiar. This grand ellipse is all we have. Rather than gripe about another winter, we should be thankful for another spin.

As I had that little chat with my son, I, too, became 12 years old again. I vividly remember, as a boy, waking up one morning to a fresh blanket of snow on the ground. And yes, I also remember being euphoric over nature's beautiful transformation. And now I know why. 

Because I hadn't seen it in a while.