Judgement Day (Your Team Sucks!) Part 2: Straight Cash Homie and Toxic Traits

The number after each player name (in parenthesis) indicates that player’s exclusive Horns-n-Hops ranking at his position at the end of the 2024 season. It is not generated from some crappy generic website ranking.

Straight Cash Homie

2024 showed promise for GM Miller’s Straight Cash Homie squad. In 2023 he scored the second fewest overall points in the league. Last year, his total points improved to the 6th most in the league. That’s the good news. The bad news is he has yet to find the playoffs. But the great thing about fantasy football is there is always next year. Hope springs eternal!

QB: Patrick "F&#king" Mahomes (12)

Having Mahomes as your starting fantasy QB is never a bad thing. Technically, a 12th place QB barely makes him starting material, but he's Patrick F&#king Mahomes. His dip in stats certainly had to do with a bunch of pansy wide receivers who were hurt much or part of the season (Worthy, Rice, Brown, Smith-Schuster). And still the Chiefs made it to the Super Bowl?

Pat shows appreciation to his favorite people.

RB: Chase Brown (10),  "Uncle" Rico Dowdle (23), Javonte Williams (30), Tyler Allgeier (43), Jaylen Wright (93)

Brown had a breakout season, despite only rushing the ball 14 times in his first three games! The sky is the limit in his third season and it sounds like he will be a focal point for the Bengals this year. Dowdle looked great the last half of the 2024 season, putting together three consecutive 100 yard games. Then the Jones braintrust let him walk. He signed with the Panthers, which will probably be a step backwards in production as he shares the backfield now with Hubbard. Coincidently, the player the Cowboys signed to take Dowdle’s place also plays for Straight Cash Homie: Williams is only 25 years old, but it feels like he’s 52. Three years removed from a nasty knee injury, he’s got the opportunity to be the alpha again. He now shares the backfield with Miles Sanders, who has disappeared off the face of the football planet and rookie Jaydon Blue, who has been described as "lazy" in training camp. Williams is a fantasy dark horse this year. Allgeier has enormous value if (God forbid) something happens to Bijan Robinson while Wright is buried in a sloppy depth chart in Miami.

I know how to get rid of talent when I see it.

WR: Davante Adams (11), Wan’Dale Robinson (36), Khalil Shakir (37),  Jaylen Waddle (46), Xavier Leggette (60), Stefon “It’s Not Cocaine” Diggs (64), Rashee “Guilty Plea” Rice (100)

Kids, this is what “lots of potential” looks like. Adams leads this group and he could be in for a big year now that he’s in competent coaching hands. Robinson was overshadowed by Malik Nabers, but saw 140 targets last year and stayed healthy the entire year. Shakir isn’t going to dazzle anyone; he's basically another Wan'Dale Robinson, but with a great quarterback. Rice scored 64 fantasy points in his first three games, but went down to a season ending knee injury. But that's hardly his main problem in 2025. He’s certainly going to be suspended by the league due to off the field idiocy. If he can get his head screwed on straight, he could be a true fantasy superstar… Former first round pick Leggette did not live up to billing in 2024, but he also has a QB that sucks. Can he kick it up a notch or two in his second year? Another big question is can Diggs, who will turn 32 this fall, come back from a major knee injury? More importantly, can he keep his nose out of "a suspicious pink powder"? Stupid is as stupid does. Meanwhile, Waddle had a very disappointing 2024 campaign; it is frustrating because he's got unlimited potential. This group would give me anxiety.

Straight Cash Homie's wide receivers make him look like this on Sundays.

TE: George Kittle (3)

Kittle is as solid as they come, hauling in over 1,000 yards receiving last season. That’s the fourth time in eight season Kittle has topped the 1,000 yard mark and there’s no reason to think it can’t happen again this year. Not bad for a former fifth round draft pick.

Toxic Traits

GM Kampen secured the fourth overall playoff seed in 2023 and was coming off a 10 win season going into 2024. But last year went to hell in a handbasket and he failed to make the playoffs while chalking up just five wins. Rumor has it that Kampen recently put up a “Help Wanted” sign in front of Toxic Traits headquarters. Obviously he’s looking to get things back on track in 2025.

QB: Justin Herbert (11), CJ "Back to Earth" Stroud (18)

One of the reasons Toxic Traits fell back to earth is because Stroud fell back to earth with a classic sophomore slump. He went from throwing over 4,100 yards in 2023 to throwing for nearly 400 fewer yards and more than doubled his interceptions. He only had two 300-yard games last season, versus six in 2023. That's what happens when defensive coordinators have an off-season to figure you out. Herbert also had the second worst season of his five year career. The one highlight is Herbert only threw three interceptions in 504 attempts. That's an NFL best 0.6% interception percentage and that’s something, right? Ultimately, nothing clicked in Toxic Traits QB room last year. These two players are too good for that happen two years in a row.

CJ Stroud was disguised as Superman in 2023.

RB: Aaron Jones (15), Tyrone "Dick" Tracy (26), Brian "Bulletproof" Robinson (29), Jaylen Warren (39), Devin Singletary (47)

Jones put up consistent numbers last year and even though he’ll be 31 before the end of 2025; right now, he’s the alpha of this bunch. Tracy found his footing as rookie by Week 5 and was solid for the rest of the season. Unfortunately, the Giants added bowling ball Cam Skattebo in the fourth round of the NFL draft which really complicates the Giants backfield. Robinson has been in the league three seasons and has managed to not get shot for two of them. He consistently averages about 750 yards and five touchdowns a season… reliable, but not superstar material. Warren looked poised to take a lead back role after the 2023 season, but his production took a significant step backwards last year and there are a lot of mouths to feed in the Steelers backfield this season. Singletary had a 1,000 yards from scrimmage from ‘21 to ‘23, but he will be 28 by the start of this season and perhaps father time has caught up to him. Last season, he touched the ball six times or less in six different games and was inactive for two more. Those kinds of numbers get you cut from a fantasy roster.

WR: DeVonta Smith (27), Josh Downs (35), Adam "Skecher Slip-Ins" Thielen (52), Keon Coleman (71)

Smith missed four games last season, but still managed to place in the top 30 in WR scoring. He can be lethal downfield; in three games he averaged over 20 yards per reception. Downs had 107 targets last season, but the question is who will his QB be this year? I doubt he will never be a 1,200 yard receiving guy, but he's young and shows promise. Thielen will soon be 35, but he is Old Reliable, thanks to his outstanding work ethic. He missed seven games last year due to injury, but still ended up with 48 catches. He’s clearly near the end of his career, but don’t count him out just yet. Coleman was taken 33rd overall by the Bills last season and his first year as a pro was nothing spectacular although he showed a couple of flashes. He’s a decent prospect and has a fantastic quarterback throwing him the ball.

Thielen on a deep post route... with a little help.

TE: Isaiah Likely (16), TJ Hockenson (34)

Likely is playing second fiddle to Mark Andrews and that won’t change this year. However, when his number is called, Likely delivers. The latest news is he'll be out a few weeks after rolling his ankle at training camp. The focus here is Hockenson. He missed the first half of last season due to injury, but ended up with 41 catches and 455 yards. Double those numbers and you’ve got his potential production (he had 95 catches for 960 yards in 2023). He easily could be a Top 5 fantasy tight end this year.

Judgement Day: (Your Team Sucks!) Part 1: Blitz-n-Pass and The Mosaic Norsemen

Welcome to "Judgement Day: (Your Team Sucks!) The Commissioner’s League Overview and Analysis." This is just something fun I have put together for my fellow fantasy football guys before the third annual draft on August 7th. This is strictly tongue in cheek and absolutely nothing is to be taken personally (after all, my team sucks, too!).

I will go in this year's draft order, and post two teams at a time to make for simple reading. I also realize that some owners won’t read this series and that's okay. But those who do might learn a little about your competition (I have!) and you might find it interesting... maybe even a little entertaining.

The number after each player name (in parenthesis) indicates that player’s exclusive Horns-n-Hops ranking at his position at the end of the 2024 season. It is not generated from some crappy generic website ranking.

The first victims up are General Managers Kranitz and Budahn the Elder...

Blitz-n-Pass

Blitz-n-Pass has had a rough go the first two seasons, taking last place in 2023 and 2024. But you know what? This team has a great deal of potential. It feels like they are just a piece or two away from making a run at the playoffs.

QB: Joe Burrow (2), Brock Purdy (14)

Burrow completed the trifecta last year, leading the league in completions, passing yards and passing touchdowns. He also led in passing yards per game. He is, perhaps, the best fantasy QB going into 2025. * Purdy missed a couple of games last year and his numbers took a slight hit as the 49ers underwhelmed the league with injury after injury. He’s a solid QB2 and can be a QB1 with the right match-up.

RB: James Connor (11), Najee “Oh, My Eye!” Harris (20)

Blitz-n-Pass decided to keep only two running backs in the offseason. Connor recently turned 30 years old, but he put up the most rushing yards and the most yards from scrimmage in his entire career last season. Connor seems to be hitting his stride at 30, or has he hit his peak? * Meanwhile, Harris is a mystery. A “superficial” eye injury on July 4 has kept him off the field as of this writing. Sounds a bit more serious than superficial to me. Harris has never had less than 1,200 yards from scrimmage in his four year career, but he’s on a new team, in a new system and he’s got first rounder Omarion Hampton hot on his heels. He’s a vet, but missing reps in a new system isn’t good.

Najee Harris celebrates the Fourth a little differently.

WR: CeeDee Lamb (8), Marvin “Look at My Manly Biceps” Harrison, Jr (30), Darnell Mooney (31), Chris Godwin (53), Nick Westbrook-Ikhine (54), Amari Cooper (63)

Lamb clearly missed Dak Prescott last year: he caught almost 600 fewer passing yards and 6 fewer touchdowns than he did in 2023, but he was still a Top 8 WR in Horns-n-Hops. Lamb had the 7th most targets in the league last year and targets equal opportunity. He should dominate again this season, George Pickens be damned. * Harrison had very high expectations last season, but his 885 yards and 8 touchdowns were considered a disappointment to fantasy GMs. Clearly, Harrison has hit the weight room in the offseason (or he’s discovered performance enhancing drugs) and it’ll be interesting to see how he develops in year two; he could be poised for a breakout season. * Mooney nearly hit 1,000 yards receiving last year, his first with Atlanta, but that was with Kirk Cousins under center. Until Penix, Jr shows fantasy owners what he’s made of, Mooney could be a risky play. * Godwin missed 10 games in a forgettable, injury marred season. He’s starting camp on the PUP list. When healthy, he’s one of the best in the league, but the problem is he’s not getting any younger and no one knows when he’ll be healthy again. * Westbrook-Ikhine had the best season of his five year career this year, which included 9 touchdowns, but, unfortunately, he plays third fiddle to Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle. * Cooper is going into the 11th season and is currently waiting for someone to get hurt in training camp a free agent.

PEDs. It's what's for breakfast!

TE: Cole Kmet (19), Dallas Goedert (27)

Kmet’s value took a major hit when Chicago took Colston Loveland in the first round in April. Best case scenario sees Kmet sharing TE duties, which is a kick in the nuts to Blitz-n-Pass, because... Goedert's career might be running on fumes. He ended the season last year on IR, missed seven games and is closing in on 31 years of age. Is he past his prime or will he find a second wind? We will find out.

The Mosaic Norsemen

GM Budahn the Elder has yet to sniff the playoffs in the league’s first two years. After coming in 8th place in the league in 2023 (narrowly missing the playoffs), he took a big step backward in 2024, placing 11th out of 12 teams. How can the Norsemen get it turned around?

QB: Bryce Young (20)

Budahn the Elder decided to keep one quarterback on his roster. The great news is Young was really good as an Oompa Loompa in the Wizard of Oz! He is exactly the same size as another Baby Yoda called Kyler Murray, but without the running skill. Young missed three games last year; he ended up passing for just 2,400 yards, which is what Joe Burrow usually throws in a quarter. Young has also never come close to a 300 yard game in his career as a pro. I probably don't need to explain that that kind of production will not win many fantasy football games. Carolina drafted a WR in the first round last year (Xavier Legette) and this year (Tet McMillan), so they are trying to give him weapons. But this is a glaring weakness for the Norsemen… no doubt this be will addressed at some point in the draft.

The multi-talented Bryce Young

RB: Devon Achane (5), Rachaad White (22), Tank Bigsby (36), Blake Corum (80), Jonathon Brooks (114)

Achane took the next step up last year from his rookie season. He can run and catch and is faster than a fat kid eating a cupcake. The best news is he stayed healthy all year in 2024 after missing five games the previous year.  He’s solidified himself as a full time RB1.. * White was supposed to in the upper echelon of RBs this year. He had a very promising 2023 (over 1,400 yards from scrimmage). But then the Bucs drafted a guy named Bucky Irving, and the backfield landscape in Tampa experienced a seismic shift. Irving is just too good for a running back by committee approach, so White is stuck in running back purgatory.

Rachaad White was done dirty by Tampa. Hellooooo Bucky!

However, Bigsby is the player to watch here. There is a changing of the guard in Jacksonville. Despite starting just one game in ‘24, Bigsby outrushed and outscored Travis Etienne. I look for this to be Bigsby’s breakout season. * Corum was a third round pick by the Rams last year, but touched the ball just 65 times; his value goes up significantly if Kyren Williams goes down. * Brooks has horrible luck. He is rehabbing his second torn ACL in as many years. He’s a promising young RB -- don’t forget, Vikings/Redskins RB Terry Allen tore his ACL twice and had a great career. 

WR: JaMarr Chase (1), Garrett Wilson (10), Jauan Jennings (24), Demario Douglas (47), Rome Odunze (49)

Chase had the 10th biggest season of any wide receiver in NFL history last year. He led the league in catches, yards and touchdowns. He said his goal is 2,000 receiving yards this season, which has never happened before. He’s the best in the league right now. * Wilson had the best season of his career last year despite being in an unwanted retarded red-headed stepchild situation with the Jets last year. He was Top 10 in Horns-n-Hops and things can only get better! * Jennings should be the top receiver in San Fran for at least the first part of the season… that is, if he ends up playing there. Will he hold the Niners hostage in a contract dispute? Will he get traded? * At 5’8” Douglas is even shorter than Bryce Young, but he did have 66 catches last year, which was his career high; however, he’s a WR4 at best.. * Odunze was the Bears’ 9th overall draft pick last year, but he didn’t set the league on fire; however, his average yards per reception was better than Mike Evans, Terry McLaurin and Jamar Chase. He’s got ridiculous potential, but it is a crowded WR room in Chicago.

TE: Juwan Johnson (17), Dalton Kincaid (30)

Johnson is an average tight end. He can be a starter if you’re desperate (and the Norsemen have been desperate). The real focus here is Kincaid, who missed four games due to a nagging knee injury last year and did not live up to his promising ‘23 rookie season. Look for him to have a big bounce back season now that he’s healthy again.

Next up: Straight Cash Homie and Toxic Traits.

Earhart Expedition and the Taraia Ojbect

 Most folks know I am a history enthusiast. Even as a boy I was interested in the past, so this next subject is "right up my alley," as my mom used to say.

The people at Purdue Research Foundation announced last week they are putting together a joint expedition with the Archaeological Legacy Institute on 5 November 2025, to confirm the findings of Amelia Earhart's plane, which disappeared somewhere in the South Pacific in July 1937. Many attempts have been made to locate the craft, but none have been successful.

Over the years, researchers have speculated that Earhart and her navigator, Fred Noonan, made an emergency landing on a deserted island called Nikomaroro. Within a lagoon on the island, there is an anomaly called the "Taraia Object," found by satellite, which could be Earhart's Lockheed Electra.

Well, I had to look for myself. So I fired up Google Earth and started searching for Nikomaroro Island. I admit I could not have found it on my own; it is truly a mere speck in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It is about as isolated as you can get from any living creature on the planet.

Once I located the island, I started hunting for the Taraia Object (I had no visual references to follow because I am stubborn adventurous and I wanted to see if I could find it myself). The island is very small so the search did not take long. And yes, I quickly found something: off the northwestern shore of the island two circular objects and a roughly triangular shaped object with straight edges just 700 feet offshore.

I quickly noticed something just 700 feet off the northwestern shore.

An angle looking southeast. What is this? This debris (if I can call it that) is submerged in shallow water offshore.

Looking directly above, the object to the left does not look like a naturally occurring object. And what are the two round objects in the left-center and right-center? They look like manmade objects, don't they? If you look closely there is debris scattered all over.

Of course, I thought I found the Taraia Object, but I was wrong. Below is (or was) the Taraia Object:

The Taraia Object is the faint dark line in the direct center of the image, just offshore, above this spit of land. Older satellite imagery showed a tube like structure, which was thought to be an aircraft fuselage. However, other researchers say it is nothing more than an uprooted palm tree. No longer visible, researchers think it probably has been covered in silt.

What I did not know, until I looked deeper into this mystery, is the most common hypothesis is that Earhart and Noonan set up "Camp Zero" on the northwestern shore of the island and sent radio signals from the damaged aircraft, which is how investigators were able to eventually focus on Nikumaroro Island. The northwestern shore is where I found these anomalous objects!

The Taraia Object is at location B. The anomaly I found is in location A. North is at the top of the image.

The object I found and the location of the Taraia Object are some distance away from each other, but 88 years of tides, pounding waves, cyclones and storms could easily have carried debris all across this small island. If it is submerged, it is like finding a needle in a haystack.

At least 12 expeditions have explored Nikumaroro Island since 1989. Human bones have been found on the island, as well as a woman's shoe, a compact case and a jar of freckle cream, which Earhart was known to use. This seems to be strong evidence; however, researchers are still looking for her Lockheed Electra and no evidence of an aircraft has ever been found there. It is also possible the plane was carried out to sea and we will never find it.

Will this research team finally be able to solve this mystery? Furthermore, what did I find on the northwestern shore of the island? Is it parts of Earhart's plane? Maybe an old shipwreck? Perhaps we'll find out in November!

Rain Gauge Blues

 I started this site for a place to "jot down life stuff." I prefer to write about things interesting and extraordinary, but unfortunately I do not encounter much of that in my life. Most of it is mundane. 

Can mundane be interesting? Probably not. But that won't stop me from bragging about my new rain gauge.

A rain gauge is not a complicated instrument; at least it shouldn't be. But humans are really good at making very simple ideas into very convoluted concepts. As I posted on social media a few days ago, I started shopping for a new rain gauge because my old one wore itself out measuring all the water we got over the last week. As far as I can tell, I got between 0.5 and 6.5 inches of rain in my backyard since last Friday. I don't know for sure because I couldn't read the measurements on the glass tube anymore. 

I suspect all that UV exposure from all those sunny days when the rain gauge rendered itself useless really did a number on the thing.

After about 20 years of service, it was finally time to put the old boy out to pasture. Also, that mysterious crusty brown stuff at the bottom was probably radioactive.

So I set out to buy myself a new one -- something nice, but not too expensive. I searched Amazon because 1) I am too lazy to actually get in my car and go to a store and 2) I do not have to encounter other human beings while I shop at home. Hey, it's a win/win.

As I mentioned on social media, I found one that I really liked on Amazon, but I suspect AI attempted to pitch the product and I wasn't very impressed:

Not impressed at all. Too bad, because I liked this one.

So I kept looking. Eventually I found something that rang my bell. 

The one I chose said it was "freeze proof" but I call bullshit on that. When it gets below 32 degrees Fahrenheit, water is going to freeze, it doesn't matter if the water is inside the tube or outside the tube. Furthermore, water, in its frozen state, is going to expand inside the tube and the gauge is going to crack. Folks who choose not to believe in science can go ahead and leave their new rain gauge outside during a Minnesota winter and we'll see how it fairs.

But what really sold me on this particular product is the claim (I swear) that it was "Made in the USA." My parents taught me to always support American businesses when I can, so I did just that. 

So I was a little disappointed when this crap showed up:

Luckily, as an American citizen, I am used to being misled.

Disappointed as I was, I couldn't be bothered to send thing thing back. After all, it was shipped and delivered to my doorstep within 24 hours. So, I unpackaged the shiny new rain gauge -- which came with its own cute little stand -- and I have spent the afternoon sitting in my yard, drinking coffee and smoking a cigar, waiting for the rain to come and be measured.

If that's not mundane, I am not sure what is.

"She's a beaut, Clark."